Skip forward one year. I’m still in pain, no change there, but a lot has happened. I’ve had countless appointments, gone on and off many medications that failed to have any positive effect. Finally, I feel I’m getting somewhere with a diagnosis of thoracic outlet syndrome from an expert who believes it to be the source of my facial pain and I find a new medication that helps to take the edge off my pain. I’ve given up my job as I’ve started to identify certain basic tasks like cooking and computer work as triggers for my nerve pain. As I focus full time on recovery, art and music start to become a place where I can process, express, learn and not feel so useless. This self-portrait is prompted by an earworm of the song “I Don’t Like The Man I Am” by Pete Molinari (link to listen below). The protagonist of the song explores themes of self loathing, grief and identity, which echo the thoughts that are juggling through my head.